Newborn Days: The Second Time Around.

Theodore-James (3 of 5)

I’m ignoring the thank yous that I need to write, the dishes in the sink, and a million other things that I probably should be doing. But I wanted to take a minute to share what a roller coaster I’m on again.

The second time roller coaster is different than the first time, but  still a roller coaster.

One minute I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, want to cry (or am crying), and am sending Mike frustrated text messages about how stressed I am. The next minute, I feel on top of the world and super awesome at having two kids.

One minute the baby is sobbing and I feel like he’s a foreign creature. The next minute, he’s cooing and looking at me with his beautiful eyes, and I’m absolutely in love with this little baby.

One minute I’m wondering why in the world I wanted to do this again and feeling terribly guilty over how much I wanted this baby and am still stressed out by him. The next minute, I’m in awe that I even got to have another baby and am in happy, grateful tears (yes, again. HAI, postpartum hormones!).

So, yes, a roller coaster.

I’m far less stressed about something being wrong with Theo (with Gabe, I was like, “Is he breathing right? Is that normal?” etc etc) and more just overwhelmed by the intensity of the newborn days and learning to juggle multiple children.

I have so much to say. It seems to be harder to find time to blog (HOW did I blog 8 times in Gabe’s first month!?), so I’m on Twitter and Instagram more often, where I can share one-handed on my phone. Usually while I’m nursing or trying to get a baby to fall asleep.

Things to tell you:

  • The birth was almost the opposite of Gabe’s but still empowering. I need to tell you the whole story.
  • Breastfeeding has been 1000 times easier the second time around. Thank goodness! I’m so grateful. Theo nursed minutes after he was born, passed his birthweight by day three, and is still going strong. I’m so much more comfortable and confident than I was with Gabe.
  • I have a feeling it’s going to be harder to lose all the weight this time. Partly because I gained more, partly because I can’t stop eating chocolate chips. It’s not that I don’t like my body, it’s just that I don’t want to buy more clothes.
  • More of the burden is on me this time and I’m do not like it. Mike started his full-time internship job with regular office hours 2 days after Theo was born. Honesty is important. So I have to tell you it has been just as isolating as I’d feared. Most of the burden of baby care falls to me as a result and I’m not enjoying it. At all. Things were far more equal with Gabe, when Mike was in his first year of his doctoral program (with a more flexible schedule) and I started back to work at two months while Mike watched Gabe. I feel like I’m responsible for the baby’s wellbeing and happiness about 23 hours a day and the lack of freedom is hard. (I’ll be starting back to work in a month or so, but I have to figure out childcare, which is a whole other burden. (Don’t worry – I’m not airing our dirty laundry. Mike certainly knows how I feel and does everything he can to lessen the stress. But there’s only so much he can do when he’s gone 10 hours a day and doesn’t have boobs.)
  • Gabe is an even better big brother than I expected. He is loving, patient, and so incredibly sweet. It has been one of the best joys of my life seeing him become a big brother. I had no idea how great he would be. I’m so glad I get to see him as a big brother – I feel like my love for him is growing, seeing him in this role.Theodore-James (4 of 5)

(This picture is not even posed. Can you believe it? The kid is just too freaking sweet.)

Introducing…

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Gabe has a little brother named Theo, who joined us at 12:28 am yesterday, June 29th. Nine days late and with a labor that was almost the complete opposite of his big brother, we are thrilled to finally meet this little guy! Well, not that little at 8 pounds and 21 inches. All the nurses keep … Click here to read the full post →

Hi. I’m Due Today.

40-weeks-pregnant-family (1 of 1)

How far along? 40 weeks = FULLY COOKED How big is baby? I'm guessing bigger than Gabe, who was 6 lbs 13 oz. Total weight gain: +31 lbs Updates: Still pregnant. Baby still not named. Lots and lots of contractions. Many times I thought I was going into labor, but was not. Anxious about: Having to … Click here to read the full post →

Five Things on Monday.

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My one customary bare belly shot for the pregnancy. In which I scare everyone with that belly button. The miracle of liiiiiife. 1. My due date is Friday. The last time I was 39 weeks pregnant, I wrote this about waiting and it still rings true with how I'm feeling - minus the commuting part, add … Click here to read the full post →

38 Weeks.

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Same shirt & pants - 5 months apart.  How far along? 38 weeks. How big is baby? We'll find out soon enough. Total weight gain: +28 lbs (aka: 26% of my pre-pregnancy body weight...no wonder life is so hard) Updates: I tested negative for GBS, so hooray for not needing an IV of antibiotics! We … Click here to read the full post →

May Updates & June Intentions.

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Preschool year-end performance. [May Update] Put my phone in another room (or at least across the room) at night. Wildly successful. Annoyingly so. I think it's probably the part where I'm not on my phone right before sleeping or checking my email/Twitter in the middle of the night. I just stay … Click here to read the full post →

Before You Are No Longer my Only Child.

Gabe-2014 (1 of 8)

Before our first child was born, I felt frantic about our dwindling days as a couple without kids. We spent so much time together that summer before Gabe was born, filling our days and evenings with conversations, blissful sleep (well as blissful as you can get in those last few weeks of pregnancy), … Click here to read the full post →