He's Here!

I thought I'd be writing today about how Mike turned thirty yesterday, or doing my 40-week update.

Instead, I'm telling you that Gabriel Christopher was born this morning at 2:16am.

Mike was amazing. A rock star. Without him and the amazing birthing center staff - there is no way I could have done this. It was the most painful experience of my life, for sure. I'll be lucky to remember enough details to write a birth story. Right now, it would be like, "I swore. I screamed. I was in the water. I thought I might die. I had some stitches. But! I actually managed to do it without drugs. (Minus the Motrin I've taken)." It was hard - a pretty long labor. I'll write all about it some day.

For now, I'm going to continue cuddling and learning how to feed my cute little son. :)

The Waiting Game.

My pregnancy according to Photo Booth. 

Today marks my 39th week of pregnancy. Which makes my due date exactly one week away.

How am I feeling?

I am excited, but I am actually in no rush to have this baby. I hear labor sort of hurts, so why wish  that upon myself? Plus, I'd like to be able to celebrate Mike's birthday next Tuesday. I have a feeling this baby won't arrive until at least a few days after my due date, anyway. I'm not sure if you can really anticipate when your baby will come, which is sort of awesome, if you ask me. Going into labor is one of the remaining mysteries of life, and I'm surprised to find myself embracing the mystery. When I first went to the midwife at eight weeks pregnant, I was given a due date based on the embryo's size, but even then - it's perfectly normal and healthy for a baby to be born two weeks on either side of your due date. And your doctor can check your dilation and guess when you might go into labor - but you can be dilated a centimeter or two and not go into labor for a week.

Quite a few women have said to me, "I'm praying you don't go a day past your due date!" or "Hope for your sake you go into labor tonight!" I try to tell them I'm doing okay, really. Being pregnant isn't so bad. And I know my baby will be here eventually. Why are you people trying to make me impatient and whiny?

To be honest, I am mostly anxious to stop working. My long commute is sort of killing me - I don't sleep well all night, then have to wake up before dawn to drive an hour to work. Once I get to work, all is well - I am surrounded by wonderful people who care about me so much. I'm constantly being complimented and fussed over, and everyone seems to be bubbling over with excitement and happiness for me.  I'm also blessed in that I really enjoy what I do. Though, being at home all day, cleaning and cooking and and sewing and getting ready sure does sound more appealing than sitting down for hooouuurs on ennnnnd and planning for projects that are happening while I'll be gone.

Not to mention the constant (well-meaning) comments I get at work, like "You're still here?!", "I thought you'd be home with your baby by now!", "No baby yet?!", or "What are you doing here?!"

I am totally at peace with the idea of going a week or more past my due date (especially if it didn't include the whole having-to-go-work bit), but these comments make me want to have the baby just so I don't have to face them every day.

Waiting is just part of the whole baby deal. And so, I wait. Without really having to wait. Keeping myself busy with work, design work, baking muffins, and spending time with my wonderful husband.

Shampoo Free. Seriously.

If you follow me on Twitter or read my blog, you may think that I am consumed by my pregnancy. Not so. (Okay, mostly so. Let’s not address my complete and utter inability to focus on anything work-related. Ask me my opinion about a project that’s happening in September and I’ll probably stare at you with glazed over eyes. I’m busy Googling birth stories, thinking about maternity leave, and wondering what taking care of a newborn will be like. Sorry, boss.)

I’ve done lots of non-baby or pregnancy related things this summer. I had a tire blow out on the highway. We went camping. I worked a lot. We redecorated our apartment and I love it. We went across the state to visit with Mike’s niece and nephews. I created a new budgeting system. We saw my extended family a lot. My commute became really freaking long. My sister moved back across the country and asked me to be her maid of honor (yay!). I continued to take on blog design work and have new hopes and ideas for how to grow my little business. And I stopped using shampoo nearly four weeks ago.

Let’s talk for a minute about that last one. First, I promise you I’m not a scuzzball. See?

So maybe I haven’t used shampoo or conditioner from a bottle, but I have used baking soda, apple cider vinegar, and water to keep my hair clean.

Why?

I ran out of conditioner and was trying to figure out if there was a plastic-free option for conditioner when I stumbled across this great post (the whole website is fabulous, by the way). Intrigued by the idea that baking soda and apple cider vinegar could get my hair clean, I figured I’d give it a shot. If it worked, I’d be saving tons of money, not using any chemicals, and reducing my waste. If my hair became greasy, tangled, or dirty – I’d just wash it. No commitment, nothing to lose.

That was on July 22nd. I haven’t touched my (giant!) bottle of shampoo since.

How?

Tsh recommends a mixing a tablespoon of baking soda per cup of water for the shampoo part. (I have thicker, wavy hair, so I increased the baking soda.) I keep the mixture in a plastic squeeze bottle that used to hold chocolate syrup. Just squirt and rub into your scalp, massaging as you go. The baking soda acts as a clarifier on your scalp and removes dirt and oil.

For the conditioner, mix a tablespoon or so of apple cider vinegar per cup of water. I keep this mixture in an old conditioner bottle and apply mostly to ends of my hair. I have even stored it in a cup and dipped the ends of my hair in the cup to really make sure they get good and conditioned. I have pretty dry hair, so I make sure and apply lots of it and leave it in for a few minutes while I finish showering.

Since my hair is typically pretty dry, I sometimes use a teensy bit of coconut oil (we’re talking a dab on my finger) and rub it through my hair to get rid of flyaways and such. It’s sort of like this stuff, minus the cost.

What are the results?

My hair is soft, clean, and manageable. I don’t have to choose between chemically-laden, but cheap or expensive, natural shampoo. My new ‘shampoo’ and ‘conditioner’ cost me very little and create hardly any waste.

I am going to continue on my happy shampoo-less existence until a problem arises.

Wanna try?

I've told a few friends what I've been doing, and one of them tried it out as well. Here's what she said:  "Also, Teej and I have been 'poo free for a week now! Just baking soda and apple cider vinegar! I LOVE the vinegar as conditioner... I think it works WAY better than store bought conditioner."


Check out this post for more details, ideas, and links to other blogs. And let me know how it goes!

Thirty-Seven & Thirty-Eight.

[Welcome to the Whinier Edition]

How far along? 38 weeks.

How big is baby? Oh, who the heck knows? Possibly over six pounds and over nineteen inches long. I’ll find out soon enough.

Total weight gain: +26 lbs. (Seeing the scale tell me I weigh so much surprisingly doesn’t make me feel disappointed or frustrated – feelings I feel normally when my weight goes up even a few pounds. I am embracing it, knowing the numbers will soon stop creeping up.)

Maternity Clothes? I am fairly certain I’ll never want to wear these clothes again. Most of them are stained or pilling from washing them constantly since I have so few clothes I can wear. I feel like a slob. And I am stuck wearing my Tevas all the time, because all my other shoes are either too tight (I swear my feet don’t look that swollen – but apparently my feet are fat now) or not cushioned enough (hello, cute Target sandals). I am the picture of professionalism at work, let me tell you what.

Stretch marks? Still none on the belleh. Perhaps I have very elastic skin?

Sleep: A night in the life of Ashley, the Very Pregnant Woman:

10:30pm- get in bed, play Words with Friends with Mike and read

11:15pm- fall asleep

12am – get up to pee, fall back asleep

3am – get up to pee, can’t fall back asleep

3:45am – still can’t sleep. Am starving. Attempt to eat some ClifBar without making a ton of noise and waking Mike up. Think about how hard it will be when Mike is in school when the baby first comes home. I’ll have to wake up and feed the baby quietly so as not to wake him up, since he’ll not be able to nap during the day. Worry about how that will work. Think about getting a night light. Wonder where we’d plug it in…

4:45am – decide to get up and eat some cereal while checking my email and Twitter. Eat two bowls of cereal. Marvel at my ability to eat so much all the time.

5:45am – pee, then go back to bed, fall asleep. (Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!)

9:35am – wake up and practically hug myself when I realize I was able to fall back asleep

(This was a weekend night – I have to leave for work by 7am during the week, which isn’t so forgiving with insomnia.)

Movement: I am fairly certain this child has BRUSIED MY RIBS with his kicking. I am not even kidding. My right ribs hurt with a stabbing pain when I breathe deeply or when I stretch or move my arms or laugh. Some extensive Googling found that it isn’t uncommon for women, especially petite ones, to experience the joy that is bruised ribs during the end of pregnancy. And the only cure is delivery. Awesome.

Food cravings: Cereal. Always with the cereal. Tater tots and potatoes in general also sound fabulous – I made these last week and just, yes. Make them. I am fully taking advantage of my desire to eat everything for these last few weeks. Amen. (Even though I am sort of loathing how flabby my arms look when I see at the pictures from my shower.)

What I miss: My body is no longer my own. I have no control over when I sleep or don’t, my bones are creaky, and my brain can’t stop. During a bout of insomnia the other night, I had an image of myself being a puppet and my tiny little baby controlling my body from inside of me. It was creepy, especially because the baby was wearing a top hat and cackling with evil laughter in my awake-insomniac-nightmare. (Basically, I miss being not crazy.)

What I am looking forward to: Maternity leaaaaave. No, I don’t get much paid time off (I am using all my sick days and am quite bitter about the whole situation), but I am at the point where I am mentally checked out at work and can’t wait to not have to get dressed for work or commute or pack my lunch or think about anything other than my baby for a few months. Sigh. Sweet little baby.

Milestones: We created and shared our birth plan with our midwife – and she completely confirmed our decision to give birth at the hospital birthing center we chose. With all the other feelings I’m experiencing as my due date approaches, feeling secure and confident in where we’ve chosen to give birth is wonderful. We also got a baby book that we love. It’s cute and clever and perfect for us. I’ve had two baby showers given by my family – which means my baby now has 60 onsies for his first six months of life. It’s actually really touching to look around our apartment and see how generous our family and friends are. We have probably spent less than $200 on things for the baby – and have very little left that we truly need for him.* We are so blessed!

*(This doesn’t keep be from waking up in the middle of the night worrying about what we still need and how we are going to buy it, of course. I am anxious and pregnant, after all.)

Say What?:

"I want to watch you walk from behind and see if you're waddling."

"Looks like you're going to have a nice, healthy baby there. You're big!"

“Oh, I bet he’s just kicking the slats out of you now.”

“You’re still here?!”

“Oh, hi. Just checking to see if you’re still here.”

“You’re due in two weeks and you’re still working? That’s dedication!”

I am still here, friends. And the next time someone asks me, “So, does the doctor say anything? Is he going to be early? Late?” I’ll respond, “She said he’s going to just stay in there forever.”

Oh, and THIS: My 3-week-old cousin. Seeing this face makes me so excited to meet our little one.
All this pregnancy stuff really isn't so bad since it ends with:

Dear Baby...

Dear Baby,

This week marks the week that I am “full term,” which means you could come any day now and we shouldn’t be surprised. It also means you could wait a whole month to come out, if you’re cozy in there.

We are so excited to meet you. I am excited to look into your eyes for the first time, to hold your little body, to feel your warm breath. I imagine meeting you will be like meeting someone I already know. Impossibly true. You are a part of me and a part of my best friend – how could I know already know you?

We’ll try to be the best parents we can be – making decisions as best we can to help you become a happy, healthy boy. We’ll protect you from harm and teach you to care for others. I hope you’ll be like your dad in that way – so many men feel they need to be ‘tough’ or ‘macho,’ and don’t feel comfortable being sensitive or compassionate. You can be caring, sweet, and loving and still be a very strong man. You’re lucky to have such a great role model in your dad.

No matter what your talents are, we will love you. Whether you’re fabulous at sports or music or school or burping, we’ll be proud. (But I sort of hope it’s not the burping thing.) I hope you know you don’t have to be the most popular or the strongest or cutest to be valuable to us. (Though you definitely will be the cutest. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your mom.) We'll love you for who you are.

I can’t believe it’s almost time to meet you. To be honest, I don’t feel quite ready to be a parent, to take care of an infant 24/7, to have such a Big Responsibility. But I know that once you arrive, it will all click into place. That we will experience such overwhelming love for you that losing sleep and worrying too much and complete exhaustion will be little sacrifice for your mere presence.

I hope that you’ll trust me. I hope that you’ll talk to me and tell me about your days, even as you get older. (Seriously. Be an awesome teenage boy that talks to your mom. Please?) I hope that you know how much we love you, no matter what. I hope you dream big and know you are capable of doing whatever your heart desires. I hope you are confident in yourself and know how wonderful you are.

Your dad and I talk about you all the time. We imagine you laying on the floor while we play Scrabble, we imagine you sleeping in your co-sleeper when we go to bed, we imagine giving your little body a bath. We talk about what kind of parents we want to be, because we already love you so much we want to be the best parents we possibly can. We talk about what our days will be like once you arrive, and how we'll manage to still visit a coffee shop with an infant. (We hope you'll be a sweet, calm little boy and take lots of naps. But the insane amount of head-butting, kicking, and crazy dancing you're doing right now makes me worry you'll be a wild little baby.)

Your dad talks to you all the time. He tells you how much he loves you and he asks you to kindly stop chopping up my insides. I think you know it's him, because you stop moving and just listen to his voice. I wonder if his voice calms you down. You'll really like your dad - he's the fun one. He'll play you songs on his guitar and read stories to you in the voices of the characters. He'll make you laugh and take you to games. He wants to be a good dad. You're a lucky boy.

We love you so much, baby boy. We'll see you soon!

Love,
Mama Bear

[First letter found here.]

To Myself in Six Months.

Dear Ashley,

I am so curious what your life is like with a baby. I can imagine – you are probably exhausted and overwhelmed but so happy. But really, I have no idea. I am not writing to you to muse over what life with a baby is like, I’m writing to you to remind you who you were pre-baby, pre-mother. Undoubtedly, there is much I don’t yet understand and cannot fathom about motherhood, but I do know a few things I want to help you keep in perspective.

Spend time with Mike. That man you married? That man who is the father of your beautiful baby? He’s pretty fantastic. Don’t forget to appreciate him daily, to let him know how much he means to you. I know you can’t afford to get a babysitter once a week (or even once a month, let’s be honest) – but make sure and spend as much time as you can with Mike. And talking about the baby’s pooping and sleeping habits? Doesn’t quite count as quality time with your husband. Snuggle with him after the baby goes to bed, the dishes can wait. I promise.

Don’t worry so much. If I know you, and I think I do, you worry about whether the baby is growing at the right rate, whether he’s sleeping enough, whether he’s eating enough, whether he’s getting enough tummy time, if he’s too hot, if he- JUST STOP. Enjoy your baby, don’t spend these precious early months overanalyzing and over thinking your every move. Trust yourself. You are a good mom.

Talk about things other than your baby. When I was in college, I remember writing in my journal that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have children, because it seemed that my family members who did immediately forgot about everyone else in the world (I was obviously a bit hurt). I know priorities are rearranged and your baby is Super Important – but don’t forget that your family and friends are still around. Figure out which friends and family are happy to discuss cloth diapers, sleep schedules, and parenthood – and which ones want to stab their eye with a fork when you do so. And don’t forget – you are more than just a mom.

Learn about things other than your baby. Keep listening to podcasts, reading books and blogs about current events and social issues, and generally just caring about what is going on in the world. I expect having a baby didn’t completely remove your desire to learn and grow. Pick up a novel if you’ve read three parenting books in a row. Your brain will thank you.

Record it all, but don’t spend so much time capturing that you forget to experience it. Everyone tells you how fast this time flies by, and recording it (even when you’re tired) can help you remember it. Blogging and photographing are fabulous, but don’t let them take precedence over spending time with your baby.

Spend time with you. Go get a cup of coffee. Go for a walk (or run! You can run now!). Read a book in the sunshine. Journal. Pray. Write. Call a friend. Take a bath. Go out to dinner. Don’t lose yourself.

All my love,

You.

PS: Moms, do you have anything to add?