• Home
  • About
  • Little Leaf | My Web Design Business
  • What do you want to do?
    • Project 333 – Capsule Wardrobe
    • Understand what miscarriage is like
    • Read a pep talk
    • Travel to Puerto Rico
  • Contact
    • Advertise & Disclosure
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

Our Little Apartment

Less Stuff, More Life.

  • Minimalism & Decluttering
    • How I Learned to Stop Being a Slob and Started Cleaning up After Myself.
    • Decluttering, Cleaning, and Saving Money in the New Year.
    • Why I Want to be A Minimalist.
    • How to Determine When You have Enough Stuff.
    • On A Bit of Minimalist Travel // Why & How to Pack Lighter.
    • How Routines Have Made My Life Better.
    • A Tiny Christmas.
    • Why I Take a Social Media Break.
    • Or Do Without.
    • All posts about minimalism & decluttering
  • Saving Money
    • My Cleaning & Meal Planning Routines.
    • How and Why We Budget.
    • Doing a Buy Nothing Month.
    • Choosing between Convenience and Values.
    • Frugal Tips
    • 6 Ways We Save Money on Groceries.
    • My Favorite Little Ways to Save Money.
    • Being a One Car Family, Part 1.
    • Being a One Car Family, Part 2.
    • All posts about frugality & saving money
  • Green Living
    • Cloth Diapering
    • 9 Ways I'm Going to be Greener at Home.
    • How to Eat Less Meat
    • Green Living: What I Use to Clean.
    • Airing my Clean Laundry.
    • Still Shampoo Free.
    • All posts about green living & sustainability
  • Motherhood
    • Miscarriage & Pregnancy Loss
    • Pregnancy Updates
    • Gabe's Birth Story
    • Theo's Birth Story
    • Everything You Need to Know about Babywearing.
    • Sleep Training Success without (Many) Tears.
    • On Careers and Ladders and Motherhood.
    • Answering Questions: Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood
    • Anxiety, Committment, and Childbirth, Oh My!
    • All posts about motherhood & parenting
  • Career & Business
    • Tools I Love for Administrative Tasks & How I Use Them.
    • How I Organize Tasks & To Do Lists.
    • My Freelance-aversary & Some Thoughts on Making Your Life What You Want.
    • How I Make Money Online.
    • Why I Use the Genesis Framework.
    • Why I Love Redbooth for Project & Task Management
    • Working from Home Tips & Time Management Strategies.
    • How Does She Do It All? She Doesn't.
    • Working Mama // Figuring Out Child Care.
    • Reader Question: Discerning A Career Path.
  • Travel
    • Our "Workcation" at the Outer Banks.
    • Traveling with a Babe.
    • Costa Rica and Puerto Rico Visit, Part 1 | Lazing about at a resort
    • Puerto Rico, Part 2 | Eating our Way Through Old San Juan
    • Where to Stay & What to Eat in Puerto Rico. (Part One)
    • What to Do & See in Puerto Rico. (Part Two)
    • Anatomy of a Mini Getaway.
    • Western Massachusetts
    • Toronto, Canada
  • Search
Personal & Life Updates

Navigating the Murky Waters of Friendship

Filed Under: Personal & Life Updates Leave a Comment

Okay, it’s really not all that melodramatic.

Yesterday I was lucky enough to see an old friend from college. I hadn’t seen her in FOREVER – she was two years older than me, so the last time we’d really hung out was, oh, three or four years ago. We got to talking, and the subject of friendships came up. How many we have, the difficulties of meeting people post-college, our (un)happiness with our amount of friends, and so on.

It’s been on my mind for some time now and I make it no secret that I WANT MORE FRIENDS. I’ve moved around lots – but I’ve always had friends. Great friends. Friends who support me and love me and who I need. I could point to the many “root causes” of why I have no one to watch silly girl shows and go see Enchanted or make fudge with – I could point out my flaws and the faults of others. But, really, I just want friends.

The conditions for a friendship slump are ripe: combine with the fact that we’re proper grown ups now, with long work days and few vacations with the fact that I’m married at age twenty three, and voila! Ashley needs girlfriends. (Or guy friends, definitely love those, too!) There are some things I don’t get about being an adult, namely: How The HECK Do You Make Friends? and: Why Is Going Out to Bars All Everyone Ever Wants to Do? (Don’t get me wrong – they cab be fun, just not the optimal place to hang out, in my opinion.)

To be honest, marriage has proved to be somewhat of a deterrent for potential friendships. Mike is, hands down, the best friend alive. We binge on Ben and Jerry’s together, watch Project Runway together, and dream about the future. But we both acknowledge the fact that our relationship would benefit from our friendships with others. I don’t know what it is – do people think I can’t hang out by myself? That being married suddenly makes me want to be attached to my husband’s hip? That I probably just want to make dinner, clean, and be with home attending to Mike’s every whim. Seriously – what is it?

We’re not even looking for couple friends – we just don’t really need that. We have one guy friend we hang out with all time here – it’s great! We just go on bike rides, eat dinner (mmm, he loves Thai and sushi so you know we get along), and watch movies together. Pretty simple. He’s not a third wheel at all and we absolutely LOVE having him to hang out with. Why can’t more people be okay with that? We’re friendly! And fun!

Okay, have I totally made this into a pity party? Because I don’t want it to be. It’s just that I don’t get it. Does anyone else have problems making friends again as a 20-something? How the heck do you DOOO it?

Because I really miss this:

Share this:

  • Click to share on X (Opens in new window) X
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window) Email
  • More
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window) Pocket
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window) Reddit
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window) Tumblr
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Pinterest

Related

June 11, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to Our Little Apartment and receive notifications of new posts by email.

About Ashley

More about Ashley >>

Comments

  1. well-intentioned heartbreaker says

    June 11, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    Sighhhh. I don’t know either, but I know I’d love more friends. More hangout-y friends I should say. I have tons of friends I go to the club with every weekend and friends that are always up for going out and getting wings and such. But I want more friends that want to come over and bake a cake. And go for a hike. And watch Friends marathons. And drink wine in the comfort of my living room on a Saturday night.

    My best friend, the girl I did all this with, moved to Montreal 2 months ago. And, uhm, I miss her more and more everyday.

    And ps. I’m not married but I’ve been in a relationship for 3.5 years and we live together.. I hate people that think they’ll be the 3rd wheel. We have more than enough time to ourselves.. We can hang out with friends as individuals together, rather than as a couple!

    Reply
  2. katy grace says

    June 11, 2008 at 10:02 pm

    I totally get what you’re saying! Making friends after college – when in the “real world” seems a lot harder. I’ve made a few great friends simply from starting my new job (teaching), but it’s not the easiest thing.

    And your bar comment, I’m with ya all the way! Some of my friends love going to bars, but when I tag along – besides the nasty smoke atmosphere – we tend to stick to our group, there’s not much social interaction with others. I also have friends who really shy away from hanging out with my boyfriend and I (we’ve been together 4 1/2 years). It’s like they’re afraid of the “third wheel” categorization. What is that?!

    Reply
  3. Bayjb says

    June 12, 2008 at 1:04 am

    I’m totally in a similar spot. It’s been really hard to make friends after college, especially when you’re in a new city. I was in Chicago for almost 6 months before I made a friend!

    You just put yourself out there and you’ll connect with people who are a good fit for you. It won’t be like college but it’s close. FYI: I’ll watch Enchanted with you whenever! I miss that close kind of friendship though.

    Reply
  4. EP says

    June 12, 2008 at 2:58 am

    From my experience in the real world (all four weeks of it), it’s a lot harder to make friends out here, whether or not you’re single or married. I still have not met ANY of my neighbors. And I don’t have social plans on the weekends because the only people I know are from work.

    It sucks. But I am a firm believer it will get better for both of us. It has to, right?

    Reply
  5. Kate P says

    June 12, 2008 at 3:22 am

    I’m in my early thirties and I can’t figure it out, either. I’ve been undergoing something like a friendship-restructuring after all the stuff that went down after a bad breakup/nasty ex-roommate. Going to grad school didn’t help as much as I thought it would, either.

    I’ve noticed that people seem to be like, “No thanks, we have a group established already, nobody new needed, thanks.” I finally met one of my neighbors a few weeks ago, but my next-door neighbor barely said hi and wouldn’t look at me when I said hi to her. For now, I’m really enjoying my invisible internet friends. . . but I can’t meet them for movies or anything.

    Reply
  6. teabelly says

    June 12, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    I hear you. You spend your whole life making friends at the drop of a hat, and then you enter the ‘real world’ and suddenly it’s the hardest thing ever. People move away, or you move, and those friendships don’t get replaced. I’m in the same boat. I would LOVE more friends. I tried joining classes by myself, going to a book club, film club, and although people there were generally nice, none of us clicked. I am not giving up though.

    Reply
  7. dreamgrrl says

    June 12, 2008 at 1:30 pm

    I totally feel you on this! I mean, I do have friends but it seems like their activities and mine don’t necessarily match up, and I find myself more often than not just being with my honey – as he definitely is the best friend I have. It’s such a weird thing, this growing up..

    Reply
  8. ashley says

    June 12, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    I’m starting to learn that your twenties are a huge change. We’re all beginning to adapt to our new lives. Making and keeping friends isn’t easy.

    I’m worried that when I get married that my friends will slowly disappear. I guess we just have to put ourselves out there. Join a new organization, volunteer..and maybe..just maybe you’ll meet someone to bake with.

    Reply
  9. Lizzie says

    June 12, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    If you figure it out, let me know, girl! :)

    Reply
  10. Tipp says

    June 12, 2008 at 7:22 pm

    I totally get what you are saying! My friends came along and the reason I love them is because we are not alike, in so many ways. We have different political views, religions, body types.

    I think the key in saying that is to keep the friendship potential open to all of those who you come into contact with. We recently expanded our circle when we started a book club and opened it up to people via Craig’s List. Or how about a knitting club? We do that with some mutual friends every now and then. A Bible Study at a local church?

    Join a volunteer organization where you have a passion. Maybe working with kids?

    I hope this helps.

    Also,we work really hard at making time for each other and that does wonders in sustaining friendships!

    Reply
  11. Wickedly Scarlett says

    June 12, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    All of the friends I’ve made here are either wives or girlfriends of Colby’s friends (luckily the military is pretty tight knit that way) or people that I’ve known through blogging for years. And don’t get me wrong, I love them all to pieces, but like you, outside of those two pools of people, I have no idea how to make friends. I’m hoping to find a book club to join and maybe a crafting/scrapbooking circle this summer and then maybe that will open up the door for more friendships, but yeah, it’s tough man!

    Reply
  12. Dana says

    June 12, 2008 at 10:21 pm

    I sooo understand what you mean… I feel as we get older it is a lot harder to make new friends – especially friends that you can really, truly trust! I feel that after college people also aren’t into wanting new friends – which makes it harder for them to open up(which I think sucks, ya know!!)

    I wish we lived closer – i bet we’d get along great!!

    Reply
  13. Steph Corwin says

    June 13, 2008 at 2:56 am

    I’m glad for blogging. I don’t feel so alone! I miss having friends where if you are bored on a Sunday you can call them up and they are there in a minute to veg out and watch tv. I need someone to drink in the afternoon with me! lol. maybe not just for that reason, but you get what I mean.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Hey, I'm Ashley & this is my blog

web designer · vegetarian · coffee addict · obsessed with goal-setting · imperfect mother · wife to an academic · wannabe minimalist

I blog about these things and our attempts to live a simpler, greener life in a small city in Massachusetts.  More>>

Get my posts via email!

Enter your email address to subscribe to my blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Instagram

Follow on Instagram

Most Pinned Posts:




Search

About Ashley

Read More…

Saving Money & Living Frugally

Doing a Buy Nothing Month.

Every so often, my eating junk food gets a little out of control and do a little juice cleanse. To help reset my body’s ideas of … [Read More...]

All Saving Money & Living Frugally Posts >>

Simple Living & Minimalism

Long Distance Moving and Decluttering – A Few Tips.

We're in the midst of a long distance move to Massachusetts this month (in the nomadic portion of our move - we moved out of our … [Read More...]

All Simple Living & Minimalism Posts >>

Green Living & Sustainability

Choosing between Convenience and Values.

A reader asks: How do you decide when to focus your energy on better choices versus choosing convenience? I think it can be so … [Read More...]

All Green Living & Sustainability Posts >>

Motherhood & Parenting

The Story of Eleanor.

(Warning, this post will contain mentions of bodily fluid) How Eleanor Came to Be. I want to write this all down while I still … [Read More...]

All Motherhood & Parenting Posts >>

Career & Business

A New Leaf. Little Leaf.

(Yes, I am a dork.) Your website should be like an extra employee. Who works non stop 24/7. I recently overhauled my site … [Read More...]

All Business & Career Posts >>

Recipes

Recipe: Curried Greens and Chickpeas

Recipe: Vegetarian Ramen.

Recipe: Sweet and Sour Tempeh with Pineapple and Cashews.

Recipe: Tofu Lettuce Wraps.

Recipe: Bistro Broccoli Chowder

All recipes >>

Copyright © 2025 · Our Little Apartment Custom On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in