1. Big things are coming. The next two-ish weeks are going to be INTENSE for our family. Well, mostly Mike. He defends his dissertation (!!), then flies to Massachusetts the next day for his first on-campus faculty interview (with a 45-minute lecture which I have sympathy anxiety about), then we leave two days after he gets home. For a week in Puerto Rico.
To recap: finishing PhD, flying to interview, me alone with the children, flying to Puerto Rico before the month ends. Oh, and I need to finish two websites by then. All great! Exciting! Things! Also: much stress! It will definitely be a vacation well-earned. (And also with a baby. OMG we are crazy.)
2. Sleep has become my part-time hobby. Thinking about sleep, reading about sleep, watching webinars about sleep, tweeting about sleep. Well, baby sleep. Is he too hot? Does he need a later bedtime? Earlier bedtime? Shorter naps? Naps at different times? Should we move him farther away from us? Should they share a room? Should we try this? Should we try that? I swear, so much of parenting at this stage makes me feel like a clueless scientist with endless hypotheses to test. While very tired. I need to promise myself to not read any more “plans” or “programs” or “theories.” Every baby is different! I am learning this! Also, we cannot let him cry for hours on end, so, like, half the books are out, anyway.
Happily, though, my no-coffee experiment was a failure which means my 6-month-old didn’t suddenly develop a caffeine sensitivity. Hallelujah and pass the coffee! Because I’m very tired.
3. I stopped offering photography a while ago, quietly. Just responding to requests that I didn’t want to focus on photography for the time being. It turns out that even though it has the potential to be a good source of income, the amount of anxiety it causes me isn’t worth it. I believe it was Nicole who told me to think about the amount of TOTAL time something takes – in preparing, stressing, and post-stressing. She mentioned it in reference to phone calls, I think, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that photography, especially events, caused me more stress than it was worth.
Photographing people for money involves so many factors I cannot control – weather, lighting, kids’ moods, etc. I would spend weeks stressing about it, then would love it in the moment (I love people), then stress while editing that the client wouldn’t be happy with my work. And unlike design, you can’t really do revisions of photography sessions. So! For now, I’m just done. No more photography for money, just photography for fun. Less stress. Hopefully this means I’ll pick up my camera more on my own kids, instead of just once a month.
4. Have you guys heard of acrylamide? I know I shouldn’t be nervous about it, but OKAY I AM A LITTLE. It’s this probably-a-carcinogen that the FDA doesn’t know for SURE causes cancer in humans at the levels in food, but is suggesting we reduce our intake all the same. The problem is, my favorite foods are all chock-full of this stuff. COFFEE. POTATOES. TOAST. (I’m drinking coffee as we speak. So clearly I’m not that obsessed. Just a little. I’ll be over it soon.)
5. I got two Christmas gifts that have improved my mornings immensely. This happy light and this super-affordable smoothie maker. Every night, I prep my half my smoothie (oats, soymilk, banana, fresh spinach) and stick it in the fridge. In the morning, I dump a little frozen fruit and ice in it, and blend. I drink it while sitting in front of the happy light before Theo wakes up (ideally, not always). It actually improves my entire day. I wake up hungry, so this way I can eat something pretty healthy with only about 20 seconds of prep time. I cannot highly recommend it enough! I wish I would have gotten one sooner. (We have no blender, just an immersion blender and a food processor – neither was convenient or effective for making a daily green smoothie.)
Now if I could just get that baby to sleep better, I’d be unstoppable!
My baby doesn’t sleep either! Hooray. Ad we are also unwilling to let him cry for hours on end. Every time his sleep gets particularly bad, I go down an internet rabbit hole of baby sleep and convince myself the only options are cry-it-out or never sleep again. I guess he’ll be a teenager someday. Anyway, my fingers are crossed for both of us.
So many things in this post resonate with me! (And I’ve been telling myself that I should comment on the blogs I read all the time more.) First, congratulations to Mike! That’s such an exciting and stressful time! On campus interviews make me want to puke (especially the job talk part), but it’s so good that he got one. And the timing sounds great in relation to his defense – he’ll be really sharp on his dissertation, which is what so many people want to talk about at those things. Second, that article about acrylamide is probably going to haunt me. Finally, I’m glad that you stopped doing photography because it made you crazy. After we moved to California, we realized that we both had less stressful jobs, and that made our lives so much better. Down with unnecessary stress in 2015.
Oh man… I have read all the sleep books. ALL the websites. ALL OF IT. I got super overwhelmed too and one time Eric was like, “well, what do the books say?” and I was like I DON”T KNOW THEY ALL SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. It was terrible. After trying so many things, we did eventually let him cry with a “lovey” (small blanket approved by the doctor). It sucked at the time, but before that he was up for hours in the middle of the night- which is also not good for him either. Baby sleep is so hard. If babies just slept normally from day 1, I think people would have more, ha. I hope you find something that works for you guys soon. Thinking of you!
PS. I also had a shut all doors, turn the volume on the monitor off and just look at the screen (to make sure he was okay). And distract myself with a good book in bed. Otherwise, I couldn’t do it. Because it sucks. Because baby sleep sucks. The end.
Hang in there Ashley! And believe me, you WILL forget how bad baby sleep can be :) I remember strapping my now 2 1/2 year old into his car seat when he was just a few months old to drive around town for an hour after midnight because I was hoping he’d finally stop crying and fall asleep (and stay! asleep). The sleep deprivation is the worst, it really is. After two kids of my own and talking to a lot of friends about this, I am starting to think that good sleepers are born that way, not made. Either way, good luck! And good luck with all the “big things” too!
I remember being so obsessed with sleep. It’s exhausting just wondering when and if and how they’ll sleep. Will it help if I tell you that I no longer find myself standing over anyone’s bed with my hands thrown in the air wondering what the heck I’m supposed to do now? I do often find myself with a four year old in my bed, but at least I can sleep straight through that.
I’m so excited for Mike! It’s been a long journey for you guys, in a good way – just long! And just think about that time in PR, you don’t even need the happy light. Totes jealy! haha
And I feel you on the photography, I love it, but it takes away from having fun with photographing my family and from blogging. I need to revisit this.
I am really excited for your week in Puerto Rico! I do hope it will be relaxing and you come back refreshed! Also: fingers crossed for Mike’s dissertation and interview.
I am glad to hear that coffee was not the culprit for Theo not sleeping! At least you can have coffee when you’re sleep deprived as well! ;)
Tell Mike he’s going to rock the shit outta defending his dissertation. Woo! And that will be a MUCH deserved vacation – and Theo’s first trip, yes? So fun! Happy Friday my friend!
I hadn’t heard of acrylamide, so, of course, the environmental engineer in me started researching immediately. There does not seem to me much data yet supporting this concern but it’s definitely something that scientists are looking into. Interestingly it mostly occurs in starchy food that is cooked at high temperatures and for extended periods of time. I see a Ph.D. project in the near future! :)
I’m terrified all of the things that are carcinogenic or may be at some point carcinogenic. What you wrote there sums up the bulk of my last year but even so, it’s hard to quit all the foods. Instead I’m taking all sorts of known cancer fighting supplements, up my intake of probiotics and eat broccoli like it’s my job (well, mostly).
Changes to morning routines, especially if it makes them better is a huge win!
Sending lots of luck and good vibes to your husband on his interview and hooray for a trip to Puerto Rico! :)
Good luck to Mike! That’s so very exciting. Also, I find vacations with (a…one) kid to be really fun. It’s fun to settle in and to all the same things you’d normally do (get up, workout, get coffee, breakfast), but in a fun new place. And warm!