I have some things to say that haven’t really fit into an entire blog post. Let’s chat.
My hair has reached extraordinary lengths. (See?)
I haven’t gotten a haircut in over a year and I know I’m due. This happens every few years – I get sick and tired of dealing with tons of hair, chop it off and realize that short hair takes more work to look good than long hair (on me).
I would love to donate it to Wigs for Kids because my cousin (her story is here) has really benefited from the organization. She was in a near fatal car accident 2.5 months ago with a traumatic brain injury. She’s out of the ICU and in rehab now, but I’d love to be able to do something. (Plus, FREE HAIRCUT!) However. They require 12 inches of hair, which would basically mean a chin or just-above-my-shoulder level haircut. My hair doesn’t do short well (frizzy, fuzzy, uncontrollable, etc). But it just wouldn’t mean AS much to me to donate to Locks of Love or the Pantene program. It’s a silly conundrum, I know. But it FEELS REAL.
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Gabe continues to love preschool and continues to be very three. As in, a threenager. He hit me in the face today. He is often so sweet and fun then BOOM. Totally little punk. I’d say brat, but that seems mean to do publicly.
He is still generally good-natured and easy, but man. When he wants to be stubborn, it’s like he’s suddenly discovered his power and wants to push our buttons. But, he also still tells me all day long how much he loves me (“I love you sooooo much, Mama!”), so I’ll keep him.
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I am really into soup lately. I thought you should know. Soup is the watermelon of winter. It’s refreshing and comforting and filling and hydrating.
I’m also really into strange metaphors.
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This Friday is the due date from my first miscarriage. I feel like I should be doing something to commemorate the day, but all I have scheduled is a flu shot appointment for Gabe. Not exactly screaming, “Remember how I was supposed to be having a baby today and we totally were crushed when we found out I wouldn’t be?” (I still think of the pack of pacifiers I gave Mike with a note “You’ll need these November 15th” to tell him I was pregnant. Thinking I’d do something cute because with Gabe I was so shocked I just yelled it at him.)
I’ve had friends who’ve marked their miscarriage due date by going on trips, out to dinner, or even church. I’m not sure what exactly feels right – being sad all day for what could have been or doing something special like going out to breakfast with Gabe. I am sad, but not overwhelmingly so anymore. And then I feel a twinge of guilt for moving on.
I know whatever I feel or decide to do is okay. I don’t need to be reassured that everyone does things differently. I’m just talking aloud to myself…in a public place.
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Things are going well with Little Leaf design and photography stuff – I decided to take on two clients on retainer, which I’m excited about. I’ll do all their graphic design needs and website work each month. I am excited about the opportunity to do creative work but still not have to start over with new clients every single month (or go out hunting for new clients!). But I’ll still have room to do a fair bit of website design each month, which I love. I am hoping the balance of steady work and website design clients is a really fulfilling mix that also provides a less fluctuating income.
Let’s talk photography for a minute. My favorite part of photo sessions is the people. I LOVE getting to hang out with a family or bridal party for a few hours. It’s so much fun. I love giving people photos that capture their emotion and delight them. The only part I don’t love about photo sessions is worrying that I didn’t get the perfect shot. That it was just a little blurry or the aperture was wrong or one of the kids wasn’t looking at the camera. What if it was just thisclose to being perfect? With web design – I can tweak and adjust as long as I want. With photography – you kinda get one shot. (Pun not intended.) That pressure can be scary! I’m hoping the more I do it, the less I’ll have those thisclose moments and more just absolutely nailing it.
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Thus concludes Random Thoughts for Ashley for the day. Carry on.
Donating your hair for such a good cause sounds fantastic – and look how fast your hair grew in a short amount of time … you’ll have long hair again in no time (plus there’s always bobby pins) . And in the time in between a kid will be very happy! <3
And on the 15 November: This is simply your way to deal with the bad in life named miscarriage. Amazing how our minds and bodies work and we find a way to deal with things! On that day you should do whatever feels right for you and your family on that day! You’ll always have a spot in your heart for that little star up there and the most beautiful thing, I find, is to embrace life and what comes with it and then keep on living!
I know I work with kindergarten kids all year, but preschoolers scare me. The good thing is, when they are 5, they still tell you that they love you :) But they are more used to their power… or more independent, or something less scary to me ha ha.
I’ll be thinking of you on Friday and I think whatever it is you decide to do is what you should be doing :)
I’m sorry you’re sad!
That’s odd… I said more, but it didn’t show up!
Anyway… I was saying maybe you could consider going with the cut you had after you were on HairThursday. The wavy layers. Would look great with your dark hair.
I have been having so much soup lately it’s ridiculous. So ridiculous because today it was 83 degrees outside and I still had soup. Mmmmmmm.
& super big forever hugs friend. I know that anniversary can’t be easy but whatever you plan to do or end up doing will be just right in the end. xoxo
Offering you hugs from Texas, whatever you plan to do for the anniversary will be the right thing. xx
I am having an existential hair crisis as well, but I made an appointment for Friday so SOMETHING is going to happen. My hair has the opposite problem, it’s super flat and stick straight.
Soup is the watermelon of winter = MY EXACT FEELINGS.
xx Abby | a geek tragedy
I think I got drunk on my due date from my first miscarriage, I also lit a candle, said a prayer and went for a walk along the beach as that’s my favourite place in Aberdeen. Just do whatever you want to do, you are the only one that knows what is right for you. I hope Gabe doesn’t mind his flu shot.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do with your hair!
I seriously cannot believe your hair is that long – I don’t know how you do it! And “threenager?” LOVE it. And from what I’ve heard SO true!
My hair is about that length too, and I’m getting it chopped off today! Too much hair-pulling from my 11-month-old. I’ve been following your blog for a while, and I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and saying a prayer. ((hugs))
Thank you, Jamie. <3
Ha! “Threenager” Love it! Three is such a challenging age. I’m parenting my second three year old boy and I just keep telling myself… He’s learning how to assert himself and that’s a really good thing. Our jobs are to coach them on how to be a bit more tactful ;) Good thing they’re still sweet as pie. Hang in there!
I have a hair appointment tomorrow – though I do not have long enough hair to donate anywhere – nor do I plan on going less than shoulder length. But I’m ready for a change.
((hugs)) and prayers as you remember your baby. Every time I went through a loss, it was different. As you said, there is no one right way to deal with it, just your own way for this loss. I will continue to pray for peace and joy for you.
Will be thinking about you today. I’m sorry. Gah. As for hair, my two assvicey cents: I say go for it with the 12 inches. It will grow (fast, it seems!), and even if it’s a frizzaster, you’ll know it was for something that made you feel great and help someone who you love.
(But I also know living with a haircut you hate is no fun.)
Please just make sure you research all your hair options before you make a decision. Most people don’t realize how shady of an organization Locks of Love is. I donated a couple years ago to a group that didn’t seem as sleazy. Good luck!
Hey Ash!
Just wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking of you! I hope that however you ended up spending Friday that the day brought you peace <3
Haha The bit about Gabe cracked me up — I sent it to my parents because they can relate to my nephew being a three-ager! hehe!
I can't believe how long your hair has gotten! I think your hair must be the fastest growing in all the land! And mine is the slowest. Ha! Good luck with your hair decision! Donating to Wigs For Kids sounds like such an amazing cause!
I think it would be pretty amazing if you donate your hair so your cousin can have a wig. That’s one of those selfless gestures that I’m not sure I could ever make. Wait, I’m quite certain my hair will never grow as long as yours, so I guess worrying about what I should do with an extra 12 inches of hair isn’t ever going to be an issue for me. =D
Also, I’d be perfectly fine if we jumped right over three to four. Gavin has gotten more physical when he’s not happy (biting, hitting, kicking) and more stubborn when he doesn’t want to do something and louder when he’s tantruming that things aren’t going his way. Holy moly!!!
Donating you hair would be an incredible gift in honor of your cousin, if you decide to do it! I always wanted to donate but my hair is superfine, so when it grows past my shoulders the ends get straggly/broken and it just doesn’t grow long enough. :/
(Which reminds me, I totally forgot to give you that referral card for my friend’s salon–don’t let me forget to give it to you when the photos are ready! :)
The ages of three and four have been rough ages over here too and yet the increased independence is also very awesome at times. Gabe is so sweet though… what a lucky mama you are!<3
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. xoxo
I’m behind on my blog reading so maybe you did something on the 15th and maybe you didn’t. On what would have been my due date with the baby I lost to miscarriage, I didn’t really do anything special. Thought about it, took a few deep breaths, and went on with my day. Like you said, whatever you want to do is ok. There is no right or wrong.
Ashley, you are such a wonderful person with a big heart. Inspired by you and your creative work. Keep it up