When I was a freshman in high school, I joined track because my friends did. I gave it a shot, but I was awful at running and it was boring. I was a long distance runner, which meant tedious workouts like 6 miles around the track. Even worse, I was the slowest member of the team. I came in last or near last in every single race. I loved spending time with my friends, but dreaded my races in the track meets.
I don’t enjoy doing things I’m not good at (BOWLING) and I wanted to quit, but my parents wouldn’t let me. I was desperate, so I decided to take matters into my own hands by sabotaging my 4.0 GPA. I failed a history test in hopes my parents would think track was negatively affecting my schoolwork and make me quit (no luck). So I jumped off our back porch in hopes I’d hurt myself and be allowed to quit (no luck) (Also, I’m very aware that this was crazy. Maybe you are beginning to understand how much I hated running and being the slowest).
Finally, I exhausted all of my (quasi) honest options and really did tank it by, and I’m not proud of this, faking an injury during a race so I could stop running for good. (Most of my friends and family don’t even know it was fake – so surprise, guys! I am a wimp. I hope you’re not too devastated 12 years after the fact.)
Yep, I’m the girl who attempted to quit running so many times that I eventually faked an injury to get out of it.
I’m also the girl who finished my second half-marathon yesterday.
I’ve written before about why I run, but I think why I continue is not because of the alone time, or how it gets me outside, or because it’s healthy.
I continue to run because it feels good to accomplish something I put my mind to. Hard work feels good. Sweat feels good. I haven’t found a replacement for the feeling running gives me, and so, I continue.
I am no longer embarrassed about being a slower runner. I’m not the slowest anymore, just pretty darn slow. And that’s fine by me.
Yesterday’s race was perfect.
The weather was perfect, the course was perfect, the scenery was perfect – along a river on a tree-lined path full of bright autumn leaves, the other runners were supportive and funny, my phone was full of supportive texts from Twitter, and my iPod was full of my favorite podcasts.
I started slow, but picked up my pace and ended up finishing under my goal time and shaving more than 12 minutes off my last half time (despite training much more for my first half). I felt strong the entire race and sprinted ahead of several other runners near the end. (Though I did get sick right afterward and they all probably passed me as I was throwing up…it can’t all be perfect, I guess.)
(An aside: It’s sort of weird how much running a hard race reminds me of giving birth. Like, it’s empowering and hard and painful all at once. But giving birth lasted 24 hours for me. So…that is where the similarities end.) (Also, I apologize for the excessive parentheses use in this post.)
I signed up for this race on a whim, hoping to restore my faith in my ability to run 13.1 miles and run it strong. The Nashville half was hot, hilly, and I was disappointed with my performance. Yesterday’s race was healing in the way I hoped it would be. I feel strong. I feel powerful. I feel really proud of myself. I feel able.
The rest of the day was a lovely blend of Trader Joe’s, The West Wing, and coffee shop work time while I indulged in this:
I didn’t even need a nap! I think I finally experienced the elusive runner’s high. Or maybe it was just the sugar.
You’re AMAZING and very inspirational :) Way to go on the half marathon!!!
Yay congratulations! Sounds like that delicious-looking drink was well-deserved!
Very awesome! I ran track in high school as well — middle distance — and hated it. But all of my friends ran. And I SUCKED. I did have pretty bad stress fractures in my legs, so I stopped. But now that I crave alone time and a good workout, I’m going to get back into running.
Pre-pregnancy I ran often. But since pregnancy? Ha! Not happening.
yay! Congrats on the successful half marathon!
It’s awesome all that you did to get out of track especially now that you are a runner haha. Funny.
Congratulations on a great run and finishing another half-marathon. I’m so glad the race was the healing experience you wanted it to be. (Also, parentheses are great!)
Ha! The first day of track practice ever for me was in seventh grade. The coach told us to run one lap around the track at some point. I didn’t want to and was tired. About half way through I pretended that my ankle was hurt and sat on the ground. Unfortunately, no one really believed me. This is also why I ignore children in my running elective who tell me they have asthma or that they’re hurt. Whatever, children. :)
“Hard work feels good. Sweat feels good. I haven’t found a replacement for the feeling running gives me, and so, I continue.”
I relate to this so, so much, Ashley. Also, girl, you’re fucking awesome. A 12+ minute PR? That’s an insane improvement. I’m a slow runner too, and I think it’s time for us to stop thinking about that as a bad thing. I mean, I’m not trying to make it into the Olympics or anything, so who cares if I’m slower than average? I’m faster than average if you’re looking at the population as a whole, because there are a shit ton of people who aren’t running at all. But also, who cares, right? Eyes on your own paper. You’re not slow, my dear, you’re strong and powerful and committed and, best of all, you’re improving! Think of it this way: in a race with your former self, you would have won by more than 12 minutes. And isn’t that better than beating other people anyway?
xo
Congratulations! I also just recently started distance running- I’m training for my third half-marathon right now- and I never thought I’d end up doing running like this, either. Props to you for making time to do the long runs- I have a hard time finding time to train and I don’t have any kids!
I’m a new reader, btw, and I really love your blog!
I still feel vomitous when I walk on a track, thanks to my high school track experiences. The nerves did me in.
New reader and enjoying your blog! I haven’t the slightest idea how I found it, but it’s fun to read:)
I am so glad you decided to run another half marathon! Go you! Also, you have just motivated me to get my lazy behind off the couch and exercise before the night is over! So…thanks, friend! :)
I had such a good time running my half last weekend! I thought of you when I started. I didn’t need a nap after, either! I think the nice weather helped :)