Sometimes I answer reader questions in public instead of via email. I like eavesdropping and I know some of you might, too.
I got a link to your blog from the Project 333 website, and I have been devouring it ever since. I admire your self-control: you make it look so easy! I am also trying to de-clutter, but after living off my parents’ back for 25 years, now I finally finished my studies, got a job and I have the freedom to buy whatever I want without having to justify my purchase to anyone :D. So I am torn between “I need to buy less” and “Now I can look even greater than the brats in my class used to”. If you have any tips on how to overcome this feeling, they are more than welcome. But, actually, the point of the comment is that your blog is awesome!
Alexandra, Romania/Sweden
Hi Alexandra –
A great question! And one that I think a lot of 20-somethings with jobs struggle with. My path is little bit different from yours, since I must admit that I have never had a TON of extra money outside of paying for our living expenses, socking away some money for retirement and savings, etc. to go crazy with and buy anything my heart desires. HOWEVER, I have totally and absolutely felt that pull to compare what we have with others. (I wrote about it a few years ago, actually). First, know that it gets easier as you do it more often (not buying a ton of stuff just ’cause you can, that is).
When I’m faced with that feeling, I try to keep in mind what I would rather spend my money on (for me, it’s travel). I remind myself I end up throwing away or giving away most everything I buy eventually. I know this from decluttering regularly, but especially from moving. When you move, everything loses a little value since they just become things you have to pack. A bit of a burden, even. I throw things away eagerly with reckless abandon when we’re moving!
The truth is, I forget about those 12 pairs of pants that I bought over the past few years, but I remember the trips we took. Those trips are the kind of life I want to have – moments with my son and husband, moments with friends, moments I remember. So, if faced with the prospect of buying another black pencil skirt or saving that $30 toward something that’s a little longer lasting, I’ll put the skirt back. Remind yourself why you want less clutter and a simpler life – is it more time to read? Less time spent cleaning? Easier decisions about what to wear in the morning? When you have control over your spending and purchasing habits, you are in charge, not those brats you went to school with. And that is the ultimate in “Look how awesome I am, b*tches!” in my opinion.
Also, it brings me more joy to live simply. To not have excessive clutter around my house, to not spend excessive amounts of money. It feels like it truly lines up with who I want to be. I can tell from your question that you are the same. The mere fact that you are READING the Project 333 website and trying to declutter means that is what you yearning for! :) I really think if you honor that feeling, you’ll find it gives you joy as well.
Lastly, I want to just let know that I have no self-control. Or very little. I just try to stay out of stores or online sites that entice me and make me think I need to buy more pretty things. I also make financial goals that encourage me to save more and spend less. I always love a good goal.
Hope that helps!
Love this! Eventually we will outgrow our clothing and technology will become outdated, but the memories we make with the ones we love will last forever!
Such a great post and so true. This is why I have been trying to declutter lately, because I want more time for the things I care about and less time spent cleaning. And because travel always makes me happier than things. I don’t care much about showing off, but if I did- I think putting travel pictures on facebook would be enough haha (which I do anyway!)
Oh! I want to be part of this conversation. Here’s my quick story. My dad was pretty frugal, but ultimately figured it all gets spent – just a question of when, how, and where. So you can save for retirement, or to leave your children a healthy nest egg, or live high on the hog and paycheck-to-paycheck, but money and time are both finite resources and you will run out of one from time-to-time (money) and one entirely (time) at some point. My mom is a spender and likes to “treat” herself. She is not a minimalist and looks at me like I’m depriving myself when I decide I can “use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without”. I have been at both ends of the spectrum, and am just starting to embrace spending and owning less, but fight the urge to purchase almost daily! It’s just a question of what “it” thing seems the most justifiable (it changes daily).
I went to law school and racked up $100K of debt; $110K by the time the unsubsidized loans were finally locked in to their present rates. I will be paying this debt until I am in my 50s (I’m in my 30s now). I also had about $8K in credit card debt, which ballooned to $15K once I graduated and needed “lawyer suits” and “lawyer purses” and “lawyer shoes” and “lawyer cocktails” and my fancy wedding and all that jazz. Then we got the world’s cutest dog, ever, and he found a hole in the fence and was hit by a car and I didn’t have enough room on my own credit cards to pay for his necessary surgeries and rehab. My husband agreed that he would foot the bill himself in exchange for me getting and staying out of CC debt. Fast-forward, and the puppy is fabulous (he’ll be six in August) and my CC debt is GONE. I paid it off in about 18 months (I put myself on a crazy-small cash $5/day allowance) and I keep it gone by staying on a much less-restrictive ($20/day) cash allowance. The rest goes to our bills, retirement, savings, etc, but $20/day is PLENTY to scratch my “shopping” itch, and using cash makes it easier to “just say no” to buying things.
Which is all to say, splurge in moderation, because you need to figure out what’s important to you, and some really expensive purses and shoes might help you figure out your priorities. Don’t splurge to the tune of $15K in credit card debt, but pay attention to how you feel. Create a shopping diary. Do you feel remorse? Why? When? Is it lessened if you wait (24h, 48h, a week) to buy something? Do some things feel good to buy because you’re supporting things that are important to you? Your dollars are your MOST important vote (though I think everyone should always vote-vote, too). YOU communicate your values through what you buy (or don’t buy). Is the fancy thing you want worth the work hours it takes to earn th money to pay for it (which you can pretty much double or more if you’re buying it on credit)?
We all have to answer these things for ourselves. For me, if it’s good for humans, good for the earth, and makes my life more enjoyable, I don’t regret it – ESPECIALLY if it doesn’t require me to go into debt. The rest? Well, let’s just say I haven’t purchased a new designer purse in over five years and couldn’t be happier about that.
Cheers!
I so agree. Less is most definitely more. I find that the things I cherish are moments. Sometimes I have to detox from consumerism and remind myself what I believe matters. Thanks for sharing!