Thirty-Seven & Thirty-Eight.

[Welcome to the Whinier Edition]

How far along? 38 weeks.

How big is baby? Oh, who the heck knows? Possibly over six pounds and over nineteen inches long. I’ll find out soon enough.

Total weight gain: +26 lbs. (Seeing the scale tell me I weigh so much surprisingly doesn’t make me feel disappointed or frustrated – feelings I feel normally when my weight goes up even a few pounds. I am embracing it, knowing the numbers will soon stop creeping up.)

Maternity Clothes? I am fairly certain I’ll never want to wear these clothes again. Most of them are stained or pilling from washing them constantly since I have so few clothes I can wear. I feel like a slob. And I am stuck wearing my Tevas all the time, because all my other shoes are either too tight (I swear my feet don’t look that swollen – but apparently my feet are fat now) or not cushioned enough (hello, cute Target sandals). I am the picture of professionalism at work, let me tell you what.

Stretch marks? Still none on the belleh. Perhaps I have very elastic skin?

Sleep: A night in the life of Ashley, the Very Pregnant Woman:

10:30pm- get in bed, play Words with Friends with Mike and read

11:15pm- fall asleep

12am – get up to pee, fall back asleep

3am – get up to pee, can’t fall back asleep

3:45am – still can’t sleep. Am starving. Attempt to eat some ClifBar without making a ton of noise and waking Mike up. Think about how hard it will be when Mike is in school when the baby first comes home. I’ll have to wake up and feed the baby quietly so as not to wake him up, since he’ll not be able to nap during the day. Worry about how that will work. Think about getting a night light. Wonder where we’d plug it in…

4:45am – decide to get up and eat some cereal while checking my email and Twitter. Eat two bowls of cereal. Marvel at my ability to eat so much all the time.

5:45am – pee, then go back to bed, fall asleep. (Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!)

9:35am – wake up and practically hug myself when I realize I was able to fall back asleep

(This was a weekend night – I have to leave for work by 7am during the week, which isn’t so forgiving with insomnia.)

Movement: I am fairly certain this child has BRUSIED MY RIBS with his kicking. I am not even kidding. My right ribs hurt with a stabbing pain when I breathe deeply or when I stretch or move my arms or laugh. Some extensive Googling found that it isn’t uncommon for women, especially petite ones, to experience the joy that is bruised ribs during the end of pregnancy. And the only cure is delivery. Awesome.

Food cravings: Cereal. Always with the cereal. Tater tots and potatoes in general also sound fabulous – I made these last week and just, yes. Make them. I am fully taking advantage of my desire to eat everything for these last few weeks. Amen. (Even though I am sort of loathing how flabby my arms look when I see at the pictures from my shower.)

What I miss: My body is no longer my own. I have no control over when I sleep or don’t, my bones are creaky, and my brain can’t stop. During a bout of insomnia the other night, I had an image of myself being a puppet and my tiny little baby controlling my body from inside of me. It was creepy, especially because the baby was wearing a top hat and cackling with evil laughter in my awake-insomniac-nightmare. (Basically, I miss being not crazy.)

What I am looking forward to: Maternity leaaaaave. No, I don’t get much paid time off (I am using all my sick days and am quite bitter about the whole situation), but I am at the point where I am mentally checked out at work and can’t wait to not have to get dressed for work or commute or pack my lunch or think about anything other than my baby for a few months. Sigh. Sweet little baby.

Milestones: We created and shared our birth plan with our midwife – and she completely confirmed our decision to give birth at the hospital birthing center we chose. With all the other feelings I’m experiencing as my due date approaches, feeling secure and confident in where we’ve chosen to give birth is wonderful. We also got a baby book that we love. It’s cute and clever and perfect for us. I’ve had two baby showers given by my family – which means my baby now has 60 onsies for his first six months of life. It’s actually really touching to look around our apartment and see how generous our family and friends are. We have probably spent less than $200 on things for the baby – and have very little left that we truly need for him.* We are so blessed!

*(This doesn’t keep be from waking up in the middle of the night worrying about what we still need and how we are going to buy it, of course. I am anxious and pregnant, after all.)

“I want to watch you walk from behind and see if you’re waddling.”

“Looks like you’re going to have a nice, healthy baby there. You’re big!”

“Oh, I bet he’s just kicking the slats out of you now.”

“You’re still here?!”

“Oh, hi. Just checking to see if you’re still here.”

“You’re due in two weeks and you’re still working? That’s dedication!”

I am still here, friends. And the next time someone asks me, “So, does the doctor say anything? Is he going to be early? Late?” I’ll respond, “She said he’s going to just stay in there forever.”

Oh, and THIS: My 3-week-old cousin. Seeing this face makes me so excited to meet our little one.
All this pregnancy stuff really isn’t so bad since it ends with: