Before You Are No Longer my Only Child.

Before our first child was born, I felt frantic about our dwindling days as a couple without kids. We spent so much time together that summer before Gabe was born, filling our days and evenings with conversations, blissful sleep (well as blissful as you can get in those last few weeks of pregnancy), and settling into our home.

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Life changed when Gabe arrived, but less so than I had worried. Turns out we had time for most everything except uninterrupted sleep after the first few months. And even that was reclaimed after [mumble mumble way too long, let’s not talk about sleep].

This summer, I’m feeling a bit frantic again. But this time, about our dwindling days as a family of three. Our dwindling days as this perfect, comfortable little trio. We’ve gone on so many adventures together, and now we’re bringing a new baby into the mix.

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Plus, I’m feeling frantic about the last days of the perfect work balance we’ve had going over the past 4 years. Mike and I have always both worked part-time and watched Gabe part-time – now that will change. Mike will be gone full-time and I’ll watch TWO children full-time (for the first few months – then we’re getting some child care so I can work, too). Those weekday mornings when all three of us get to be home are soon going to be no more. And aside from my fears over being home alone for long days with two children – one a tiny baby! – I’m just a little sad about it changing.

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I’m a little sad Gabe will no longer be my one and only. I’m not asking to be reassured that it’s a good idea to have a second child. I know, I know. I’ll love this child just as fiercely and we’ll all find our places as a perfect little four-pack eventually. But, right now? I’m going to miss this kid being my little sidekick and buddy as we take on the world together. So many coffee shop dates and walks to the grocery store and little every day adventures will surely be complicated by the introduction of a newborn into the mix.

And I’m so thankful to be welcoming another child. But, man. I’m sure going to miss you being my only child, Gabriel.

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Gabe, thank you for being the most amazing first child I could dream of. The past nearly-four years as your mama have been wonderful. Thank you for making me a mother. Thank you for teaching me more about myself. Thank you for being the perfect travel companion. Thank you for waking me up so many mornings by hugging and kissing me and telling me I’m “da bes’ mama ever!”. Thank you for being the most affectionate little creature I’ve ever encountered. Thank you for letting me write about you sappily on the internet.

I sure hope this new adventure is going to be just as wonderful for all of us and that you’ll teach your little sibling how to be just as delightful as you.

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About Ashley

Ashley is a web designer by day (and night). She blogs about her attempts to live more simply and pursuing happiness while juggling a job she loves and life with an adorable toddler and an academic husband.

Comments

  1. This is so sweet. Man, you two have one cute little boy. I can’t wait to see your newest addition!
    Ris’s most recent post :: Book Review: The Conditions of LoveMy Profile

  2. I felt the same way before we had Liam, but once he was here I couldn’t imagine life without him! And it was reassuring to me that one day soon Meredith wouldn’t remember life without Liam. Seeing her love on him is just the best. Gabe is going to be such an awesome big brother! I’m so excited for you!

  3. I felt the same way before Ellie was born, and now none of us can imagine life without her :) Topher and I go on regular “Topher and Mommy dates” and have ever since Ellie came home from the hospital. It’s usually just a trip to Tim Horton’s for hot chocolate and a donut, or maybe a trip to the indoor playground or the mall, but it’s nice to have that one on one time :)
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  4. Aw this is just so sweet. Love those silly pictures of Gabe, he’s going to be the best big brother.
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  5. Gabe is so sweet! I wish he and Casey could be bffs. Ive probably said that before.

    He is going to be an amazing big brother! This morning my nine month old wouldnt stop kissing Casey. She will barely even give me kisses! Its the best. But I loooved having only Casey for so long too (almost three years.)
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  6. I just love Gabe. So cute. So, Max is 4 months old, when will I have time for things again? Haha.
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  7. It’s true that having multiple children diminishes your one on one time with each, but whenever I’m feeling sad about feeling stretched thin I think of the gift of siblings. My girls have a relationship that’s all their own, constant playmates and friends. My son is just getting big enough to interact and play with them too and I find myself just sitting back and watching them grow and learn together. It’s magnificent. I’m excited to hear about your journey into a family of four.

  8. Well this just made me cry at my desk. Beautiful post.

    I am the firstborn and like you & Gabe, my mom and I did a lot together. After my brother was born, that didn’t change too much; sure the first several months were different but I ADORED my younger brother (still do!) and in time mom and I figured out how to be close and do “our,” things just like we did pre-baby brother. In time the “us,” stuff grew and evolved and we had special things we shared throughout her entire life. You are an awesome and amazing mother (Gabe has that right!) and I admire all of your motherhood stories, journies and the vulnerabilities you share with us. I hope that as time goes on, you and Gabe have just as many meaningful “you two,” events as you did these last four years. It’s a beautiful thing. Big hugs to you, friend. Xo
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  9. Ash this is the sweetest thing ever! x

  10. What a lovely post. I remember being OK with everything until the night before our second was born and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed that I was ruining Emery’s life by having another child. Three years later, I think they both have a pretty awesome life together.
    Michelle’s most recent post :: 7 quick takes – coming up for airMy Profile

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