I have problems with relaxing.
I thought maybe it was a new thing. Because, you know, I am busy. In addition to working 20 hours a week at the high school, I have a steady stream of design business and an Etsy shop. OH, and a 15-month-old toddler that likes attention and requires supervision.
So, the fact that I can’t remember the last time I just sat and watched some television or a movie without also designing or responding to emails or cleaning or sewing or eating dinner or cooking or doing dishes or folding laundry…is perfectly normal because I have a lot on my plate. Relaxing is a waste of time, right? Maybe it’s a mom thing. Maybe I have lost the ability to relax. To spend an evening not working and just hanging out with Mike.
Except, then I found this in my old journal:
“There is something that drives me to never feel at rest. Even when I am wasting time – relaxing sometimes, even! – there is this pressure which continually asks, ‘Oughtn’t you be doing something?’ Then the day ends and I feel a bit restless and unaccomplished.” – March 27, 2007
Aside from the obvious – who uses ‘oughtn’t’ in their diary?! – apparently, this is not new. As a senior in college – pre-marriage, pre-baby, pre-real-job…I was still a crazy little non-relaxing stress ball.
Sometimes, it feels like a blessing – it means my apartment is usually clean and I have made some good food and I am earning money and the laundry is folded and put away and my floors have been recently mopped. But, it also comes with a downside – I feel as though I am not as present to my family as I would like to be. I fail at being and want to do. Constantly. All the time. More.
(Let’s be clear – I am not a perfectionist. At all. I am certainly a good-enough-ist. I just like to do a lot.)
To be honest, I’m not quite sure how to change my mind and allow myself to relax without feeling guilty, but here are a few ways I’ve started:
– Getting off the computer by 9:30 at the latest (irony? It’s 10:03 PM right now.) This does wonders for my sanity and sleep.
– Reading every night before bed. It allows me to decompress and relax – even if I can only stay awake for five minutes of reading.
– I spent Gabe’s naptime yesterday reading and painting my nails. (Well, after I cleaned the entire apartment. First things first.)
– I took two nights this week and got in bed before nine to read or watch a movie with Mike. I sipped tea and watched The Help – not even glancing at my email or to do list. It was…odd. And really nice.
– I woke up at 5 am to get a few hours of work done before Mike and Gabe woke up…so I could hang out with family later.
It’s all about balance. And knowing myself: if the house is clean and I’ve done some work, I am more able to relax.
Oh, and HEY, at least it’s not like it’s a time of year when people get stressed out a lot or anything, right?
This is really interesting because I feel the same way – I always have to be doing something – multi-tasking is the name of the game. This weekend I hurt my foot and I think it was the universe’s way of telling me to literally sit down and relax!
I’m like this too, even though I do waste a lot of time online not doing much. I feel like I need something tangible or at least visible to prove that I did something each day, each hour. Sometimes, when I’m trying to relax, I end up thinking about all the things I should be doing, so it’s doubly stupid: I’m not doing whatever it is I should be doing and I’m not really relaxing. I find it helps to schedule both work and play time so I know I can fit it all in. It also helps to redefine relaxation. Instead of seeing something as “wasting” time, I try to see it as a deliberate act of leisure or rest.
This is me, 100%. Even when I’m taking a break and reading a couple of blog posts… I FEEL GUILTY AND RUSHED AND OMG I NEED TO DO SOMETHING FROM MY LIST! I have a lot of trouble just Being. Sigh.
Okay, so I have this friend (no really, it’s a friend! This isn’t about me!) who just canNOT sit still. I used to think she was crazy until I realized I am totally the same way.
I USED to think I was lazy. I love sitting and watching TV and just generally doing nothing, but then I realized I HAVE to be doing something (catching up on Twitter, blogs, uploading pictures, etc.) even when watching TV or whatever.
Also, if I don’t workout enough, I get antsy (this would be why I worked out almost every day during pregnancy. Now? Not so much, but I’m just going to go ahead and say that LG has taken my extra workout time. That’s legit, right? ;-)
Anyway! I feel you, is what I’m saying. I set a goal for myself this past year to not use my phone/Internet when I get home from work, as I’m generally on the computer at work all day. I’ve gotten a lot better, but it’s hard!
At the same time, though, it’s kind of nice knowing that I’m NOT lazy, like I previously thought. So…There’s…That? Haha.
This is definitely my problem too. I tend to feel the need to “get stuff done” instead of just relaxing and being. I’m glad I’m not alone! I hope that you can find that balance in your life…keep us updated so we can gain some inspiration too. :)
Well, you’re not alone, my friend. I have the exact same problem and I don’t know how to change this. It’s mainly that I feel like I have too little time to do the things I love most, so I try every free minute to cram as much in as possible. It doesn’t always make me happy (or relaxed, ha!), but I feel at least like I accomplished something.
I read this post while brushing my teeth AND putting away laundry, after just finishing up some design work at 11:30 pm. Oh, and then I had to wipe off the kitchen table & island. Okay. 11:59 pm. Time for bed.
I really identify with what you said about not being a perfectionist but being a good-enough-ist. That’s exactly how I feel… I just always have to be busy. I mean, I just applied for a 20 hr/week community management job because school/teaching/applying to PhD programs clearly isn’t enough for me!
once again you write a post and i feel like i could’ve written it! relaxing is not my strong suit…to the point where i work myself into a major exhaustion because i can’t just “be”. i think it needs to be a goal for 2012…maybe. :)
I would love to be a person who reads before bed. I think I need to work on this.