Courage is relative.
I used to think I was a pro at adapting and starting over.
Growing up, we moved every three years. That means being the new kid a lot. In 2nd, 5th, 8th, and 11th grade, to be exact. Making new friends, getting used to a new school (sometimes a new COUNTRY!), and being lost were second nature to me.
In college, I totally had wanderlust. Besides visiting my family in Malaysia once or twice a year, I once went to Vancouver for the weekend on a whim, travelled to London for a Thanksgiving break, and spent a semester studying in Honolulu, Hawaii.
I was independent, it’s fair to say. I wanted to be a teacher in an international school, living somewhere with palm trees and eternal summer. I hoped to fill another passport and spend my time traveling as often as possible.
Well, apparently, I’ve settled. I live in Ohio, I miss another city in Ohio, and I’m nervous about taking a class at a COMMUNITY COLLEGE*.
My last post hinted that I was feeling a little “homesick.” Since I lived in Dayton longer than I’ve lived ANYWHERE, five…whole..years… I miss that familiarity. That comfort of knowing somewhere like the back of your hand. Knowing people in the community. Having favorite places – like our coffee shop, grocery store, and movie theater. So many memories in that little city.
Ashley from a few years ago would not even RECOGNIZE this Ashley. When I first met my husband, I balked when he said he’d still want to be living around there in five years. “Why would anyone want to settle for HERE?!” I thought (and, uh, maybe said?).
Oh, how thing’s have changed.
This past Saturday morning, as I wandered around the community college, looking for room 133 (which was, by the way, tucked neatly back into an obscure hallway) – I was nervous. Very nervous. My heart was beating, I started to doubt myself, and think: I should just forget the whole thing. Who needs “Mac Basics” and “Foundations of Layout & Design,” anyway? I’m probably going to be so much worse than everyone else! They’ll be so good, and I’ll embarrass myself!
Before I went into the classroom, I scribbled on my notepad – because expressing myself is the only way I know to relieve stress or anxiety – “Why am I so nervous? I’m twenty three years old attending class at a community college. I need to relax and just try.”
As I was sitting in the classroom, still feeling a bit anxious and uncertain, I glanced down at my planner and noticed the quote I had placed on the front last year:
I guess I just have different priorities now.
* I’ll tell you how the class went another day. :)
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